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Shadow

Shadow's B-Movie Graveyard

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undertaker019.jpg

Wait, that is a private detectvies office????

but... but it's clean.... it's clean and wide open space.... even the desk has everything neat and seemengly shorted... that... that just breaks so many rules

that defies universal laws :D

otherwise great review :)

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Hehe...I got this today regarding the site:

I hate you. Because of your insanely entertaining and lengthy movie reviews, I have been chained to my computer, forced to read them, for uncounted hours this weekend.  That is time I could have been sleeping, or working, or having sex.  But no!  I have to read your reviews word for word because they are so damn funny.  Die.

:D

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Hehe...I got this today regarding the site:
I hate you. Because of your insanely entertaining and lengthy movie reviews, I have been chained to my computer, forced to read them, for uncounted hours this weekend.  That is time I could have been sleeping, or working, or having sex.  But no!  I have to read your reviews word for word because they are so damn funny.  Die.

:andorlol:

I would have the same problem. I'm not sure not having it is a good thing. ;)

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A tiny nitpick here :andorlol:

The name comes from the Norse giant that was father to all the Norse gods in Scandinavian mythology.

Ymir was not the father of all the Norse gods but you can argue that he was in parts their ancestor, becouse one of the daughters of his sons married the first 'god' that was actually created accidentally by Ymir's cow.

So Ymir is their ancestor on the maternal side.

Ymir was then killed by the first actual gods (Odinn, Vili and Ve) and made into what we know now as earth ;)

The fact is though, not all of the gods come from one father, even though Odinn is sometimes called the alfather.

For example the fertility gods, Freyja and Freyr are of another breed of gods and not even related to Odinn.

In Truth, Odinn has only few actual children, that is, Thor, Baldur and Vidir. All from three different women.

Yes I'm a norse mythologyholic :devil:

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Giant killer shrews????

Ok I can accept giant killer ants, or giant killer wasps, especially ants since they actually eat anything

but shrews???

I don't give much for the biology in this film, it must have been complete utter crap, at least they got it right that the shrew must eat more than it's own bodyweight every night, but the bloody thing is an insectovore, meaning it only eats bugs, which explains why it has to eat it's own bodyweight everynight becouse bugs are not very filling nor nutritious

meat on the other hand is very filling and very nutrisious explaning why meat eating carnivores can be so large, they don't have to eat so much every time although they are very capable of it, I bet in the unlikely event that the shrews turned into true carnivores the fat guy, and the horses were more than enough to satisfy their hunger for the night.

And shrews are not either really that vicious except against their own species, becouse they are territorial, damn the biology sucked in this movie :yeah:

Otherwise great review :D I just get jumpy when I see the biology thrown out of the window, most of the time they hit monsters in acceptable motion, I could have accepted a giant killer rat, not shrew :D

Edited by Fenriswolf

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Everyone loves giant monsters right? We've seen Godzilla trash Tokyo, King Kong going bananas in New York, Dinosaurs on the loose in San Diego and many others.

Now it's time to watch Reptilicus reduce Copenhagen (at least a cardboard version of Copenhagen) to bits and pieces.

Yes, this particular giant monster is brought to life by the thrilling FX wizardry known as ...PUPPETRY! :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Marvel at the monster's jerky movements! :unsure:

Cringe at the godawful dubbing! :ohwell:

Cry at the time you've wasted watching this train wreck! :(

Yes, it's REPTILICUS!!! :sick:

Reptilicuspromo.jpg

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New review time!

This time it's One Million Years B.C.

BOOM! KAPOW! Welcome to the land before time…er…the world when it was young. An annoying voiceover gives us the low down: the world is a mean place, filled with mean life forms which only survive by being…mean. It’s a kill or be killed kind of place where the strong take everything, the weak perish and the infirm are left behind to die. Other than all that, things are just peachy.

We are introduced to the Rock Tribe, who make there home in a mountain cavern. The women of the tribe spend their days hanging out at home waiting for the men to return with food so that they can cook it, while the men spend their time hunting down that food and being overly hairy. Their leader is a man called Akhoba, who doesn’t look like he has ever missed a meal. His two sons are Sakana and Tumak. The two brothers don’t like each other very well. Sakana especially has it in for Tumak because the latter was singled out by Akhoba for the honor of killing dinner as well as managing to capture the eye of the tribe’s resident hottie, Nupondi. Alas, things go Sakana’s way when Tumak is banished from the tribe after a big fight with Akhoba over the issue of some roasted boar flesh and who’s stomach exactly it was going to wind up in.

Tumak wanders the barren landscape (two words I use too often in this damn review) and has all sorts of amazing adventures. Well, not really. Its more like he runs for his life from a menagerie of things out to gobble him up: gigantic iguanas, huge spiders, dinosaurs and even some Neanderthals that are even more hairy that he is! Finally, worn out and dehydrated, he collapses on a sandy dune overlooking the sea. It is here that he meets Loana, who happens to hold the Miss Universe crown for the year 1,000,000 BC. She and her blonde prehistoric friends, including Ahot - the world’s first bleach blonde surfer dude, save Tumak’s ass from being trampled by a giant sea turtle. Then they take him back home to the Shell Tribe. It is here that he learns all about spear making, fishing, farming and proper hair care. He even pitches in to help defend the tribe from a nasty Allosaurus that wanders in looking for a snack. However, Tumak refuses give up his old ways of thinking and after another fight (this time with Ahot over the issue of a spear and who gets to keep it) he is banished…again.

This might be where things really take a downward spiral, but all that charisma and charm has paid off for Tumak: Super Babe Loana has opted to leave her people and accompany him. Not questioning a good thing, he sets off back towards the Rock Tribe where, unbeknownst to him, his brother Sakana has succeeded in becoming leader after ensuring that Akhoba took a dive from a cliff. Not that Akhoba is dead, cuz he isn’t. He is now just the tribe gimp, stumbling around and giving everyone the evil eye. Tumak eventually rejoins his people and brings them the secret of a better spear. Alas, events are moving inexorably to a final confrontation. How will Nupondi react to Tumak’s new main squeeze, Loana? Will the members of the Rock Tribe ever learn how to bathe? Can Tumak rescue Loana from the clutches of a mama Pteranadon? Will Tumak wrest control of the tribe away from his brother Sakana? Will Ahot and other members of the Shell Tribe arrive in time to help? What does the volcano have to say about it all? Find out when you watch One Million Years B.C.

onemillionyearsbc014.jpg

Read the entire mess here:

http://www.bmoviegraveyard.com/reviews/OneMillionYearsBC/

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Three cheers for Raquel Welch in a skimpy outfit! I have not read the whole thing yet, but what I have is very enjoyable. Good show, ole chap.

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